ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
never play flip cup with pint glasses
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
