I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
