today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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