I accidentally had phone sex last night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
