that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
