Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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