So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
