o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
