He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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