remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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