So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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