You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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