That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone signed my nipple.
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