Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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