How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
