There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
