I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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