She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I met the friendliest cop last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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