...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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