oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
