is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
