Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
