quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
