haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
