Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
