yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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