please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
