Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
