Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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