Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
