I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
