Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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