Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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