Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
