Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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