I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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