U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
