So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
