Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
