I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
