Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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