I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
