Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
