Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
