Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
