i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
