You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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