I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
