just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
