you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
