i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
