I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
